I Pick You Read online

  My day went to hell. Rydell tattled on me for having a spelling race in the courtyard, and had Miss Day down my throat. That led to me not complying with school policies, and she demanded that I have my report of the last three days on her desk by the time I left. Tori Spelling wiped snot on my jacket, Danny DeVito upchucked in my trashcan, Bay cried when I went to see her at lunch, I was hungry because the cafeteria served some unidentifiable meat that I wasn’t about to touch, I burned my arm on the hot metal on the side of my door when I got in my car to go get Bay, and then she was a brat on steroids.

  I took her back to my class, expecting to get the dumb assignment to Miss Day before she had a heart attack, while she played. I finally gave up the third time she turned over a desk chair, trying to get up. My eyes glanced up to her when she’d speak words I didn’t understand, or to a noise when I heard books being tossed to the floor, but I didn’t clean it up. There was no point. She would come right behind me and do it again.

  “Oh, sorry. Figured you just forgot to turn your light off again,” Rydell said, as she stepped through the doors separating our rooms. Her eyebrows went up as she looked at the mess and then Bay.

  “Yeah, one kid,” I teased as she looked around at the disastrous room.

  “She’s cute.”

  I stood and walked toward Bay, lifting Rowan’s chair to the upright position as I did. “Come here, Bay. I want you to meet my friend.”

  Rydell snorted and Bay didn’t listen. She ran.

  “I’m not your friend.”

  I heard her, but I didn’t respond. Bay thought this was a game that we were playing. She squealed and ran, laughing like mad. I laughed, too, and lunged for her, but not enough to catch her. I let her think she got me and then listened while she busted a gut, running to get away from me as fast as her little legs would carry her.

  “Come here, you little shit,” I exclaimed, as I swiped her up, sending her into a giggling frenzy as I tossed her into the air.

  “This is Rydell. Can you say Rydell?”

  “Dell.”

  “Oh, my God. She’s the cutest thing in the world.”

  “Of course she is. She’s mine,” I said, while taking the bragging rights as if Bay’s cuteness were my own doing. Bay spotted something and slid down my leg, off to destroy something else. It made me happy that my house was so empty.

  “And she has a mommy,” Rydell reminded me in a mocking tone.

  I don’t know if I said it like she took it, or she just took it the way she heard it, but that wasn’t how I meant it. “She left her. She’s not here.”

  “Where is she?”

  I shrugged, still not realizing the lie that had been formed right before my eyes. “Chasing a dream.”

  For the first time since I met her, Rydell seemed interested in what I had to say. “What does that mean?”

  “She’s in Kenya. She left her with me. It’s just Bay and me.”

  “She left her? That’s horrible. Like, is she living there?”

  “Yup, she’s directing a film, or documenting it, wait, is that the same thing?”

  Rydell wasn’t into what I had to say anymore. She was into my daughter. That gave me hope I didn’t have before. She walked over to Bay sitting in Danny DeVito’s chair and squatted. “You have a sweet name, Bay.”

  “Cork born in India.”

  Rydell turned to me for an interpretation, wearing a smile. A real smile with pretty white teeth.

  “She doesn’t speak much English,” I said with a crooked, flirty grin.

  Rydell laughed a real laugh and turned back to Bay. That’s about as far as things went, but I could tell that she shifted her gears a little. All it took was Bay getting ahold of her. You couldn’t be around Bay and not feel joy. It wasn’t possible. That’s the effect she had on everyone she came in contact with.

  “Okay, well I’ve got to go. Try to make it here on time tomorrow,” she said, posture becoming stiff while she tried to put on the tough-guy suit again.

  “You’re much prettier when you smile.”

  Rydell started to speak, but then stopped herself. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Bay,” she called.

  That came out as plain as day. “Bye.”

  Our evening was better than my day, but that may have had something to do with my own attitude. Seeing Rydell smile at me like that put a little hop in my walk and a little shine in my eyes. First, we stopped at the grocery store for fresh fruit. Teaching nutrition in health sort of taught me a thing or two as well. I realized how important it was for Bay to get the right nutrients. That adult thing kicking in again, I supposed.

  Bay reached right over and took a vine of bananas from a passing cart. The guy laughed and I handed them back as I tried to place him. Was he a teacher? No. I hadn’t seen him there, but I knew I had seen him before. I shook it off and continued to the front of the store, ready to get out of my dress pants and into shorts. That’s when I placed him. When he walked up to the register in front of me with a female and two little boys. The same guy that I had watched Rydell leave with the weekend before. That shocked the hell out of me. I didn’t peg her as that type, and then it puzzled me just the same.

  I was a dick when she thought I was married, yet she was fucking a married guy? Made no sense. My breath was heard in my own ears when I realized it. She didn’t know. She couldn’t have known. I kind of boasted a little again, knowing he would be one more obstacle out of my way. It was the right thing to do. I would be the messenger bearing bad news. Somebody had to do it. Might as well be me.

  Bay and I walked along the beach after we ate supper, played in the pool because she insisted, and then bathed. I couldn’t wait for her to get to see her mommy. I think I was more excited than she was. I had her set up on the island with my laptop in front of her, only that lasted for two seconds. Bay wanted on top of the island, and of course, daddy let her, but I was never more than an arm’s reach away.

  I was just rinsing off some blue-berries when the call came through. “I told you. See, it’s your mommy,” I said in a high pitched tone, clapping my hands for added excitement.

  “Oh, my God. Bay Berry. I miss you soooooo much, baby. Hi.”

  I slid Bay from the granite and to my lap on a barstool. “Hi, hi, hi. Ma, ma, ma. Hi,” she said, happy to see and hear her mommy.

  “You have no idea how much I miss her. Like there is no way I’ll make it.”

  “Where are you?” I questioned, seeing the landscape behind her.

  “Brantley, holy shit. You should see this place. I’m in a hotel, but it’s off the grid, close to the village. Elephants and giraffes walk under me. I wish Bay could see it. I’m bringing her here when she’s older. How has she been? Eating good? Has she cried for me? How does she like daycare? Oh, how was your first day of school?”

  I smiled at the overzealous excitement and run on sentences. “She’s doing great. We’ve got this, don’t we Bay?” I said, while bouncing her a couple times on my knee. “Say yes.”

  “S.”

  “Her hair looks greasy. When was the last time you washed it?”

  “She gets it wet every day, but she hates it when I put soap in it.”

  I watched Kit frown while resting a closed fist on her cocked hip. “Use the baby shampoo. It doesn’t burn. Tonight.”

  “She doesn’t like it in her eyes. She screams to high heaven, and there’s barely any hair there.”

  “Brantley Johnathan Jandt. Wash her hair. I mean it. She’s going to get cradle-cap and it’s going to be your fault.”

  My eyes darted to the back of Bay’s head with a sharp frown. “What the hell is that?”

  “It’s something tiny babies normally get, but if you don’t scrub her head the same way you do yours, she’s going to get it, too. Bay, you let Daddy wash your hair, okay?”

  I coaxed her by shaking her head with my hands. “Say yes, Bay.”

  Bay giggled and agreed. “S.”

  Kit and Bay had a conversation abou
t the creatures she’d seen over there so far, and then it turned into an animal sound game. I looked up cradle-cap on my phone. Bay was just going to have to scream. Her hair was for sure getting washed. My mind went from WTF from a baby’s head, to WTF from the text message.

  Rydell—I live in an apartment over the bar.

  It took me a minute to come up with something. What did this mean?

  Brantley—I know.

  I didn’t really know that, but I knew she had to live close. Her truck was always parked outside the bar.

  She sent me a Kim Kardashian gif that read, so shady. The silence was as bad as if we were standing in front of each other. I had no idea what to say, and I wasn’t about to send a cheesy gif or stupid emoticon.

  “I have to go, guys. I’ll meet you back here tomorrow at the same time. I love you so much, Bay Berry Jandt.”

  “Say bye, Mommy.”

  Bay didn’t say goodbye. Bay instantly started crying.

  I stood with her, trying to calm the meltdown before Kit saw how much she missed her mommy. “Shhh, it’s okay. We’ll talk to Mommy tomorrow.” I turned to the computer screen to see Kit doing the same damn thing. Her hands covered her mouth and tears streamed down her face.

  “I love you, Bay. Mommy’s so sorry, baby.”

  “She’ll be fine, Kit. We’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Give her a big hug for me.”

  “I always do.”

  I closed the laptop and carried Bay away from the kitchen.

  “Phil,” she wailed, arms reaching back toward the island.

  We grabbed Phil and walked out to the evening air, a little, but not much, cooler than it had been. I didn’t care that Bay needed to go back to the tub for a good shampooing, I didn’t care that it was her bedtime, I didn’t care about any of the rules. I didn’t want her to feel this sadness for her mom, and I didn’t want to feel the anger building inside me. What kind of mother does this to their own child?

  “Do you want to go to the beach?”

  “S,” Bay whimpered with a sniff, as her nose wiped across my shirt.

  “Thanks, I needed that. You can’t cry when Mommy calls.”

  “Ma, ma, ma go?”

  “Mommy’s taking pictures of elephants so she can send them to you.”

  “Fant.”

  “Yeah, elephant. What’s an elephant do?”

  Bay reared her head back and screeched, sounding more like a mouse with his tail caught in a trap than an elephant. Just like that, Bay was fine, but I felt bad because I knew Kit was not. She’d no doubt cry herself to sleep.

  I didn’t even remember Rydell messaging me until Bay was listening to me make up words to her favorite song. This one about how much her mommy loved her. I waited until she was out before going after my phone, knowing she’d hop right down and follow me. Never in my life did I think I would fantasize about going to the bathroom alone. Bay was right behind me no matter where I went. I left her sleeping in my bed while I went for a beer and my phone, baby monitor tucked under my arm.

  Rydell—Don’t tell me you don’t like the Kardashian’s.

  Rydell—Hello?

  Rydell—???

  Rydell—Okay, I get this is weird. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for judging you. I will try to be nicer to you.

  Rydell—Ugh. I hate you!

  Rydell—Fucker.

  I scrolled through the messages with a huge smile on my face. Taking a swig of beer, I texted back.

  Brantley—Sorry, I’m a single father. Bay had a meltdown and then she stood up in the tub and busted my lip. This girl is dangerous.

  Rydell—Dick. You made me recant my apology.

  Brantley—Don’t do that. I’m curious to see this nice side.

  Rydell—Yeah, well, it’s not that nice.

  Brantley—Not at all surprised. Did you want me to come over? Is that why you gave me your address?

  Rydel—NO! and I didn’t give you my address. I was merely telling you something about me.

  Brantley—Damn, I thought it was an invitation.

  Rydell—I would have taken you serious a few days ago. Now I know you’re just a smartass. You wouldn’t wake your baby for that.

  Brantley—Lucky for you, she could sleep through hurricane five wind speeds.

  Rydell—She’s adorable. See ya tomorrow.

  Brantley—Night, Ry.

  “Huh,” I audibly grunted, eyes on the full moon ahead. Rydell being nice to me. That was a first. I couldn’t wait to see how that played out.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I was actually early for once, the first time since I had started. Not because carpool went smoothly. I didn’t think that would ever happen.

  “Hey, can I tell you something?”

  “Oh, Jesus Christ. Really?”

  Harry Potter gasped, covering his hand with his mouth. “You better confess.”

  “What? I said cheese and rice. I had it for breakfast. Cheese and rice,” I repeated while chastising myself.

  Simon laughed and explained he thought I said a bad word and then proceeded to tell me something. The logistics of courier operation. Weirdo.

  Rydell was a little nicer, but not a lot. I walked up beside her and Wendi gossiping about Miss Cantral later at recess, a box of Bay’s raisins in hand. “Is it because she’s beautiful? Is that why you hate her so much?”

  I noticed Wendi’s attention to her friend right away. She stared at her intently while Rydell spit word vomit at my feet, eyes judging my raisins. “She’s already claimed you. Go for it, cowboy.”

  “She claimed me?” I questioned, interest at its highest.

  “Yes, the first day of school. Oh, my, oh my,” Rydell chanted in a mimicking tone, her hips swaying from side to side. “He’s mine. I claim him. You bitches can’t touch him.”

  I laughed and watched Miss Cantral walk out of sight, her ass squeezed tightly into a white sundress. Damn. I’d hit it.

  “Excuse me, may I have a word, Mr. Jandt?”

  All three of us shut up and came to a Christian stance, straightening up for Father Don.

  “Yes, Father Don. Of course,” I submitted, crumbling like a good little lamb and following him to the gym.

  “You’re young, athletic, and healthy,” he began, with his hands folded behind his back.

  I tried to keep my expressions intact, wondering what he was getting at, whether it was a question, or what to say back. “Um, thank you?”

  “I’ve been watching you.”

  “You have?”

  Father Don led me to the middle of the floor and stopped. “Yes. The student’s love you. We haven’t had a young male teacher around here in quite some time.”

  “Wait, Mr. Love can’t be much older than me. What about Jonas?”

  Father Don gave me a peculiar look and then stunned me a bit. “Mr. Love runs on the tips of his toes. He can’t do this job.”

  “Job?”

  “Mr. Reynolds has been with us since nineteen-eighty-four. He’s still got four more years before he can retire with full pension, but he’s not in the shape he once was.”

  I nodded, trying to keep up, unsure of what was being requested of me. “Yeah?”

  “Mr. Reynolds will stay on as the gym teacher, but he needs to step down from his basketball coaching role.”

  “Yeah, well, I can’t really do that. For one, I have Bay, and another, well, believe it or not, I wasn’t really athletic in school. I was the scrawny kid with acne, all elbows and knees, watching sports from the outside.”

  “You never played basketball? That surprises me. Like I said, I’ve been watching you. I see you play with the kids. I think you could do it, and honestly, you’re my last hope. I’m going to have to start begging parents next.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m going to have to pass. Bay, you know?”

  “Sure, I get it. It was worth a shot, and I did mean it when I said I thought you were doing great. I hear the kids talking about you often. Keep it
up. Will you be bringing Bay and joining us for services Sunday?”

  I made a grunting noise and backed away. “Did you hear that? Someone’s calling my name. Gotta go. Nice chat.”

  Father Don smiled with a nod and watched me leave. Screw that. I wasn’t about to get struck dead for lying to a priest. I walked through the double doors and back to the playground. Wendi was still there, but away from Rydell, one finger in her ear and her phone over the other one.

  “I saw your boyfriend yesterday.”

  Rydell glared at me with a quick neck snap toward me, arms crossed over her chest. “Shut up.”

  “What? I did. He was at the grocery store with his wife and two kids.”

  “What the fuuu—what the hell is wrong with you? Every time I let my guard down and think you’re not so bad, you go and say shit like that.”

  “Sorry, I’m just the messenger, delivering the news. The guy’s married.”

  A line may have been crossed, but I couldn’t help it. I kept doing it, over and over and over. It was elementary school all over again, only I was the student. I didn’t know how to like a girl without not liking her. Like when Danny DeVito tells Tori Spelling her hair looks like cartoon Cinderella hair. What he was really saying was he thought she was pretty and he liked her shiny golden hair. I was cool around chicks to get laid, I didn’t do this kind of cool.

  Rydell was hot. Pissed off hot. Her arms dropped and she expressed the line I crossed in words I wasn’t expecting.

  “I do what I want, because people are assholes, and they’re going to judge me no matter what I do.”

  Whoa.

  Rydell stormed off, fists in balls at her sides, and a stomp in her step. Yup, line crossed.

  I tried to text her later on that night, but she ignored me. She even ignored my smiley face with sad eyes, and then I stopped trying. Whatever.

  Bay did better when talking to her mommy that night and didn’t cry a bit. She even told her bye while her hand waved in the air. Kit tried to read to her, but Bay was…Bay was too busy. She had to take all the utensils out of the crock after I moved it there, the lazy way to put the dishwasher away. Kit watched her play while she and I talked about Bay a little and then she told me about the day they had. The village welcomed them because that’s how desperate they were. She showed me a few photos of trash all along the village and then of little kids I didn’t want to see. I guess I was one of those people who thought if you couldn’t see it, it didn’t really exist. It did, and it was so sad. Kit was so devoted to this project, to the village, and to the kids. It worried me a little that she might be getting a little too close. We said goodbye with Kit promising to send Bay a postcard.