Peace Love Resistance Read online

  “Someone? A girl, Ty?”

  I stared out across the river, the field, the dirt road, and my house, mostly to keep from looking at Tristan. Even though I pressed my ear hard to the phone, I knew she could still hear her, and believe me it was awkward as hell. Avery even calling me was awkward, let alone with Tristan right there.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to go. Have fun on your trip. Tell everyone I said hey.”

  “Ty, wait. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. Who is she?”

  I glanced back at Tristan with a grin and a wink. “I have to be with her. I’d die if I couldn’t. It’s written in the stars.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve got to go, Avery. Tell everyone I said hey. Take care.”

  “Ty, don’t you dare hang up on—.”

  Tristan stared at me briefly, the corner of her lip curling into a smile. “I love that, Ty. I’m impressed. Written in the stars. That’s good.”

  “It is. You said we made this agreement before we came here.”

  “We did. You’re cosmic heart is waking up. I feel it.”

  And just when I thought she was normal, she had to go and throw something like that in the middle. “Want to go for a walk?”

  “No, I don’t think so. That walk down the hill and back was enough for me. I’m tired. You can take care of Baby-T if you want while I go shower.”

  “Of course,” I said, instantly taking the opportunity to scoop him up.

  Tristan tilted her head and gave me a condescending glare. “I was kind of hoping you’d carry some water for me first.”

  “Fine, take him, but I’m getting him right back.”

  I almost handed him over when he stretched, baby squeaks and grunts making him way too cute to hand over. Like I was a little boy and he was the new puppy, I snuggled him to my neck, my hand covering practically his whole body. He was so tiny, his scent was one of a kind, and I sort of loved him. Honestly, I didn’t even care that it made me absolutely crazy. The connection I felt with Baby-T was no different than the one I felt for his mommy. A package deal that I would never want separated. You couldn’t have one without the other.

  Tristan fed him while I filled all of her empty containers with a guilty conscious. I should have been on top of that. Even though I didn’t know much about girls having babies, I was smart enough to know they shouldn’t be carrying heavy jugs of water. Bravo. Go Ty. Idiot. Of course that made me think about how much she meant to me. I’d never thought about what a girl needed before let alone cared, but I did now. With everything in me, I did now, never wanting her to want for anything. I’d take care of her for the rest of my life; I’d carry her water from a mile away, and next time…I wouldn’t need to be told.

  I should have left after she showered, knowing the work that waited on me just over the river, but I didn’t. Tristan wanted to sit by the little stream again. We ended up sitting on the grass, watching and listening to the cascading water, crystal clear and cold. She really did have the perfect spot there. It emitted rays of peace, love, and tranquility all around. Then again, that could have been from her and T-Man.

  With Baby-T wide awake between us, Tristan and I laid on our sides, staring at him rather than the clouds we’d went there for. Our fingers locked below his little butt, our eyes shifting back and forth from him to each other’s, always locking in trance for a few seconds.

  Deciding to do a little fishing for décor ideas, I asked her trivial questions. “Favorite movie?”

  Without even thinking about it, Tristan disclosed her all-time favorite movie and of course it was something I’d never heard of. “I Origins. It’s the only movie I’ve ever immediately started over after I watched it. Have you seen it?”

  “No, never heard of it. What is it?” I questioned, instantly regretting it. For the next twenty minutes Tristan explained the entire weird movie to me, something about the eyes being the windows to the soul, and some girl who died. Her irises being the exact same as a little girl in some other country. I don’t know. Something about reincarnation or some shit.

  “I just gave the whole movie away, but you still have to watch it. Oh wait. Don’t! I’ve got the DVD, we’ll watch it next weekend on my laptop. I want to watch it with you. Oh, and guess what?”

  “What?”

  “They name their baby, Tobias. Isn’t that cool?”

  I agreed with the coincidence just to move on. Geesh, she could be so passionate. I didn’t think she was ever going to shut up. Needless to say, I moved away quickly, hoping she didn’t have a long story about a song. “Okay. Favorite song.”

  “I don’t really listen to songs. I don’t like letting that stuff in my mind. Most of it’s a bunch of shit. I do listen to music though. Do you like mantra?”

  Good lord. Seriously? “You mean like chanting?”

  “Sort of. You’ll see next weekend.”

  “You’re starting to scare me. I’m not walking on hot coals, am I?”

  Tristan laughed, leaning in for a kiss, her bare leg running up mine. “Only if you want to.”

  “Favorite animal?” I questioned, sure she’d say a whale.

  Her fingers slid from mine, her lips touched Baby-T’s, and she rolled to her back. “I have two. My sprit animal is the great whale and my human animal is the bald eagle.”

  Of course I asked, but honestly, I really was interested. As strange as she could be sometimes, I was interested in everything that came out of her mouth and I wanted to know everything about her. Her likes, her dislikes, and her crazy beliefs. It was new and foreign, a pleasant change of pace from what I was used to. I stared at her, her eyes watching the cloud filled sky, one hand on Baby-T. “Why the whale?”

  “Remember I told you about finding the tape my dad left for my mom?”

  “Yes, the one you live by.”

  “Yes, that one. Right before I found it I went on a cruise with her and Clay. Against my will of course,” she added, her eyes darting to mine and back up to the sky. “It was some stupid political shit where they both got to go on stage and spew lies with a bunch of other hypocrites. Anyway, I spent most of my time staring out to the ocean. Even as a little kid, I always seemed to be searching for something. One evening I was up on the top deck when my mom and a couple of her snooty friends came to walk the track. She sat beside me for a few minutes, lecturing me about being rude. Of course I gave her some smart comment about not liking her fake friends. Right about the time she started to come back with something I wouldn’t agree with, an orca whale came from nowhere, right up out of the water in front of us,” she animatedly exclaimed, her body sitting straight up and her hands rising like she was coming out of the ocean and then she clapped. Loud.

  I jumped at the same time Baby-T jumped, only he cried. His little lip quivered, shattering Tristan’s heart into tiny little pieces.

  “I’m sorry. Come here, baby. Mommy’s sorry,” she cooed, her lips soothing him with soft kisses, instantly calming him.

  “And that’s why you like whales? I don’t get it.”

  Tristan snuggled Tobias to her neck, wrapping both her arms securely around his little body. “No, I didn’t understand the significance until I found the tape. My mom and I both stood and watched this great animal dance in front of us, hitting the water with catlike precision, like a gracious swan. She told me a story that my dad had told her once, something she rarely did. He said that if an orca whale crossed your path it was a special guidance. You were being asked to get in touch with your inner self. It wasn’t until after I listened to the tape that I understood it. That’s when I started meditating.”

  “You’ve been meditating since you were ten? No wonder you’re up at five in the morning doing it. You’re an expert.”

  Tristan smiled my way, her lips pressing on little Tobias’s head. “I don’t wake up at five to meditate. I wake up at five because this little guy likes that time of day. He’s awake more that time of day than all day long. Wait until you witness it. It’s so aw
esome. First he gets his tummy full and then he just lays there, nestled in his little sling. He just stares up to the dark sky, waiting for the sun to rise. Yeah, I could probably keep him inside and get him to go back to bed, but I think he loves it. Who am I to deny him that, you know? Kids aren’t taught to just sit still anymore. Just be. They’re constantly handed things to “entertain” them. I’m not raising him that way. He doesn’t need all that stuff. I’d rather him be than have.”

  Even though I didn’t get the whole meditating thing, I did like the idea of him being happy without being entertained. Although I’d never thought about it like that, or at all for that matter, I believed it with all my heart. I just wanted him to be happy. “Why the bald eagle?”

  “I’m saving that for next weekend. I’ll tell you then.”

  A puff of air blew between my lips, an amused, loving feeling felt deep in my chest. “Okay, I’m going to head out. I’ve got some shit to do in the barn.”

  “Why are you sleeping in the barn?”

  I stood, my shoulders shrugging, and my hand reaching for hers. My lips touched Baby-T’s as I pulled her to her feet and then her lips. “I like it out there. I feel like I’m outside.”

  Tristan smiled a content, happy smile. “That’s because you’re waking up. I knew you would. It’s coming. I can feel it.”

  “You’re so weird,” I tormented, my tongue slipping between her lips. There was no denying it, I loved her crazy ass.

  Utterly ridiculous.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The very word "secrecy" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings.

  ~JFK

  I walked into the house just after eight in the evening, a shower and some leftovers on my mind. The beer cans strung about the kitchen and the yelling from the back bedroom caused me turn back. I grabbed a bag of chips and a Mountain Dew, not surprised and uncaring. My dad was screaming something about being sick of walking on egg shells, never knowing when he was going to piss her off and my mom came back with her own venom. Me being placed right in the middle. The door slammed behind me when she started in about him not even trying to talk to me. His words were muffled, but just as angry.

  And I was the child…

  No sooner than I had flipped on the light in the barn, I heard Tristan, a deep raspy voice, telling me to come in. I climbed the rungs with a smile, happy to hear her voice over my parents’.

  “Miss me already? Over,” I questioned, my finger releasing the button.

  “Always. You don’t have to come now, and normally I could handle it myself.”

  I frowned, instantly feeling worried. “What? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. My van has a flat. Can you help me take it off in the morning and get it fixed?”

  “Yes, don’t touch it. I’ll get it in the morning.”

  I climbed back down and walked to the van, sitting in the passenger seat, talking to her instead of doing the work screaming my name. Pulling the photo from the visor, I looked at the young family, listening to Tristan tell me about the book she was reading. Something about numerology and the moon phase, the night we met, the night Baby-T was born. I don’t know what she was rambling about, but I didn’t care either. Hearing her voice was more important than the work and she her telling me about double full moons or some shit won over the van work.

  After ten minutes, I climbed back up to my loft for my can of soda. I sighed sticking the photo between two boards over my straw bed and looked out to her camp. Although I wasn’t getting much work done, I did do some shopping on my phone while she talked, adding things to my cart, trying to think of everything I needed. Half listening, I tried reading about solar panels, battery banks, and regulators, not getting it at all. Fortunately, walkie-talkies were nothing like a cell-phone. She couldn’t tell I was distracted like she could had it not been for the button I had to push to talk. Out of the seventeen hundred bucks I got for my video, five hundred and seven was left. Solar was expensive, I knew nothing about decorating, and it all seemed so overwhelming. Even with the two day shipping, I didn’t think I would have time, not if I couldn’t manage to stay away from Tristan that is. And without question…I couldn’t.

  “T, I love you girl, but I gotta do some work for my dad,” I lied, finally getting a word in, not even realizing what I’d said.

  “I knew you would say it first. Over.”

  “You’re so conniving. Not over. And I don’t care if it’s crazy. I do love you, T. I love you so much it’s crazy. So crazy it’s stupid. Stupid crazy yet it doesn’t feel like that. I loved you from the first time I saw you and I don’t care if it was the elevens, whales, twin soul flames or whatever you call them, fate, destiny, or anything in between. If it brought you to me then I am forever grateful. I do love you, T,” I said again just to make sure she heard me. My eyes glanced up to the photo and back to the radio, surprised by the slow response. “Over,” I added, an attempt to remind her that it was her turn to speak. That’s when I noticed the trembling in my hands, the dampness in my palms, and the quick thump behind my chest, adrenaline quickly setting in. I said I love you, and she wasn’t answering back.

  “Yeah, I heard you. I was joking. You weren’t supposed to go all deep on me. I’m just trying to think of something to say. I don’t have all the answers, Tobias. I’m really just trying to figure it out, too. I know you love me, and I know you love Baby-T. As hard as it is for me to admit, this scares me, too, Ty. I feel you. I literally feel you and no matter how hard I try, I can’t quit you. Even though I know what it is and you don’t, I have to ask myself what it is sometimes. It makes perfect sense yet it’s very overwhelming for me. I’ve been an energy reader my whole life, but I’ve never picked up someone else’s energy like yours. It sounds so idiotically, ridiculous, but it’s true. When you’re away from us I feel—.”

  Hearing the static from her button being released, I coaxed for her to continue. “You feel what, T?”

  “Painfully vacant.”

  “Painfully vacant. Now that’s deep.”

  Tristan snickered a little and I pictured the smile in my mind. “Yeah, I got it from I Origins, but now I get it. It’s one of my favorite parts. You know why?”

  “Why?”

  “Every time I see it, I rewind it like five times just so I can hear it again. Painfully vacant. I thought deeply about how it would feel to not just love someone, but to be so vulnerably connected to them to where it hurt so bad to be without them that your heart would bleed, and you’d die. I know what painfully vacant is now. This is something, Ty. We’re on to something that’s rarely experienced.”

  It all sounded so hokey-pokey, but she was right. This was bigger than the both of us and I was sure we didn’t just meet by chance. I didn’t really know what to say back though. Maybe I was afraid to let myself believe in something magical, something I hadn’t been conditioned to trust in. “Good thing we’re getting married, huh?”

  “We’re already married in spirit, but okay, I’ll shut up so you can do your stuff. What are you doing?”

  “Just moving some shit for my dad. I was supposed to do it today, but I was a little busy with this girl with the cutest button nose and this little person that makes me scratch my head.”

  Tristan laughed. “I have my dad’s nose. Why does he make you scratch your head?”

  It wasn’t a lie at all. I did find myself scratching my head at him a lot. “It’s me, not him. He’s freaking perfect. It’s this bond that I feel for him, like it’s my job to take care of him.”

  Again, the silence made me a little nervous. “Promise me you’ll always take care of him, T. No matter what, you’ll make sure he never goes around my mom and Clay. Promise me that, and I’ll sleep like a baby.”

  Her request puzzled me a little bit. Not understanding the conviction in her tone, I asked. “Why would he go there? You don’t even go
around them?”

  “I’m just saying. I need you to promise me that, T. No matter what happens, you’ll be his daddy. You’ll take care of him. Promise me, Tobias. Promise.”

  The daddy part didn’t even scare me, not like it should have. I wanted to be his daddy; I wanted to take care of him and not like my own dad did. I’d be there. Always. It was how she took herself out of the picture that I didn’t like. “Of course I will always take care of him, Tristan, but I’m going to take care of you, too. I promise.”

  “I’m glad we found each other. Night, Tobias. You can go work.”

  “I can talk if you want,” I offered, a sense of neediness heard in her tone.

  “Nah, I’m okay. I’m going to go watch the moon. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I said it, but I didn’t mean it, not at the time anyway. There was too much to do and a very short time to do it. “You sure. I can ditch the work for a night.”

  “No, it’s fine. You can go work. Night.”

  “Night. I’m right here if you need to talk. I’ll answer.”

  “I know you would. Night. Over.”

  “Night, T. Over.”

  I climbed back down the ladder and sat in the front seat of the van, my mind pulled in a million places. Thinking about the perfect theme for her, something that would really make her see that I cared; that I listened to every word she said, I thought about any clue she may have given me, choosing the whale. My plan worked double time in my mind while my eyes stared at the haunting tape, staring right back.

  An instant irritation followed an eye roll and then annoyance, my mom coming into view from the rearview mirror.

  “Hey, your girlfriend is on the phone.”

  I frowned at her, the message unexpected. “My girlfriend?”

  “Yes, Avery.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend. I told you, we broke up.”

  My mom was annoyed, too, her sharp attitude a dead giveaway. “Yeah, well she’s still on the phone.”

  “Tell her I’m busy. You could have just said that.”